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THE HELL BOUND
TRAIN
A Texas cowboy
lay down on a barroom floor,
Having drunk so much he could drink no more;
So he fell asleep with a troubled brain
To dream that he rode on a hell-bound train.
The engine with murderous blood was damp
And was brilliantly lit with a brimstone lamp;
An imp, for fuel, was shoveling bones,
While the furnace rang with a thousand groans.
The boiler was filled with lager beer
And the devil himself was the engineer;
The passengers were a most motley crew-
Church member, atheist, Gentile, and Jew,
Rich men in broad cloth, beggars in rags,
Handsome young ladies, and withered old hags,
Yellow and black men, red, brown, and white,
All chained together-O God, what a sight!
While the train rushed on at an awful pace-
The sulphurous fumes scorched their hands and face;
Wider and wider the country grew,
As faster and faster the engine flew!
Louder and louder the thunder crashed
And brighter and brighter the lightning flashed;
Hotter and hotter the air became
Till the clothes were burned from each quivering frame.
And out of the distance there arose a yell,
"Ha, ha," said the devil, "we're nearing hell"
Then oh, how the passengers all shrieked with pain
And begged the devil to stop the train.
But he capered about and danced for glee,
And laughed and joked at their misery.
"My faithful friends, you have done the work
And the devil never can a payday shirk.
"You've bullied the weak, you've robbed the
poor,
The starving brother you've turned from the door;
You've laid up gold where the canker rust,
And have given free vent to your beastly lust.
"You've justice scorned, and corruption sown,
And trampled the laws of nature down.
You have drunk, rioted, cheated, plundered, and lied,
And mocked at God in your hell-born pride.
"You have paid full fare, so I'll carry you through,
For it's only right you should have your due.
Why, the laborer always expects his hire,
So I'll land you safe in the lake of fire.
"Where your flesh will waste in the flames that
roar,
And my imps torment you forevermore."
Then the cowboy awoke with an anguished cry,
His clothes wet with sweat and his hair standing high.
Then he prayed as he never had prayed till
that hour
To be saved from his sin and the demon's power;
And his prayers and his vows were not in vain,
For he never rode the hell-bound train.
Anonymous
Did you hear about the cannibal who
was expelled from school?
He was caught buttering up his
teacher. |
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HERE LIES
my wife
I bid her
goodbye
She rests
in peace
Now so do I
Here Lies
a man named Zeke
Second fastest draw
in Cripple Creek
HERE LIES
Henry Blake
He stepped
on the gas
instead of
the brake
Blown upward
out of sight:
He sought the leak
by candlelight
Bubba T.
Redneck
His last words were
"Hey y'all
watch this!"
Here lies Anne Mann
Who lived an old maid,
But died an old Mann
Beneath this stone, a lump of clay
Lies Uncle Peter Daniels
Who early in the month of May
Took off his winter flannels
Rebecca Freeland
1741
She drank good ale
good punch and wine
And lived to the age of 99
It does my heart
A world of good
To see you here
In a box of wood
Here lies Kelly
We buried him today
He lived the life of Riley
When Riley was away
This stone was raised
by Sara's Lord
Not Sara's virtues to record
For they are known to all the town.
This stone was raised
to keep her down.
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Here Lies
CLYDE
Who's life was
full
Until he tried
To milk a bull
Here Lies
Martha Brent
She kicked up
her heels
and away she
went
Here lies dear departed Dave,
He chased a bear into a cave
He stole our stuff - he had no class
So we got medieval on his ass
Now I really am between
a rock and a hard place!
Ruth and Johnny, side by side,
Went out for an auto ride
They hit a bump - Ruth hit a tree
And John kept going
Ruthlessly
Here lays Butch
We planted him raw
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw
I put my wife
beneath this stone
For her repose
and for my own
Here
Lies Uncle Peter Dan'els
Who early in the month of May
Took off his winter flannels
Here Lies
Lester More
Four slugs
From a
forty-four
No Les no more
I plant these shrubs
upon your grave dear wife
That something on this spot
may boast of life.
Shrubs must wither
and all earth must rot.
Shrubs may revive,
but you thank heaven will not |
HERE LIES
The Father
of 29
He would have
had more but
he didn't
have time
Once I wasn't
Then I was
Now I ain't again.
Open, open
wide ye golden gates
That lead to the heavenly shore,
Our father suffered in passing through
And Mother weighs much more
Robbie The Robot
Rust in Pieces
Remember man, as
you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.
(reply
written on headstone)
To follow you
I'll not consent
Until I know
which way you went
Here lies my wife in earthy mould
Who when she lived did naught but scold
Good friends go softly in your walking
Lest she should wake and rise up talking
Here lies the body of
Martha Dias,
Who was always uneasy, but not over pious;
She lived to the age of three score and ten,
And gave that to the worms she refused to the men.
Anna
Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna;
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the devil sent him Anna
Here lies a miser who lived for himself
Who cared for no but gathering wealth
Now where he is and how he fares
Nobody knows and nobody cares |
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Melvin Jerome "Mel" Blanc
May 30 1908
July 10 1988
Béla Ferenc Dezső Blaskó
(Bela Lugosi)
October 20 1882
August 16 1956
Robert Bloch
April 5, 1917
September 23, 1994
John Sidney Blyth
(John Barrymore)
February 15 1882
May 29 1942
Peter Boyle
October 18 1935
December 12 2006
William Nigel Ernle Bruce
February 4 1895
October 8 1953
Richmond Reed Carradine
(John Carradine)
February 5th 1906
November 27 1988
Lon Chaney
April 1st 1883
August 26th 1930
Lon Chaney Jr.
February 10th 1905
July 12th 1973
Colin Glenn Clive-Greig
(Colin Clive)
January 20 1900
June 25 1937
Clarence Linden “Buster”
Crabbe
February 17 1907
April 23 1983
Peter Wilson Cushing
May 26 1913
August 11 1994
Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle
May 22 1859
July 7 1930
Terence Fisher
February 23 1904
June 18 1980
Hermione Ferdinanda Gingold
December 9 1897
May 24 1987 |
Frederick
Hubbard Gwynne
July 10 1926
July 2 1993
Richard St. John Harris
October 1 1930
October 25 2002
Sir Alfred Joseph Hitchcock
August 13 1899
April 20 1980
Raul Rafael Carlos Julia y Arcelay
(Raul Julia)
March 9 1940
October 24 1994
Ruth Gordon Jones
(Ruth Gordon)
October 30 1896
August 28 1985
Elsa Sullivan Lanchester
October 28 1902
December 26 1986
Vladimir Leventon
(Val
Lewton )
May 7 1904
March 14 1951
Howard Phillips Lovecraft
August 20 1890
March 15 1937
László Löwenstein
(Peter Lorre)
June 26 1904
March 23 1964
Edith Marie Blossom
MacDonald
(Marie Blake)
August 21 1895
January 14 1978
Roderick Andrew Anthony
Jude McDowall
September 17 1928
October 3 1998
Raymond Hart Massey
August 30 1896
July 19 1983
Alexander Meister
(Al
Lewis)
April 30 1930
Feb 3 2006
Oliver Burgess Meredith
November 16 1907
September 9 1997
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Margaret
Yvonne Middleton
(Yvonne
De Carlo)
September 1 1922
January 8 2007
Charles Middleton
April 22 1944
October 3 1879
Elizabeth Victoria
Montgomery
April 15 1933
May 18 1995
Agnes Robertson Moorhead
December 6 1900
April 30 1974
Jeanette Helen
Morrison
(Janet Leigh)
July 27 1927
October 3 2004
Nikolaus Günther Nakszynski
(Klaus
Kinski)
October 18 1926
November 23 1991
Heather Michele O'Rourke
December 27 1975
February 1 1988
Anthony Perkins
April 4 1932
September 12 1992
William Henry
Pratt
(Boris Karloff)
November 23 1887
February 2 1969
Vincent
Leonard Price, Jr.
May 27 1911
October 25 1993
Philip St. John Basil Rathbone
June 13 1892
July 21 1967
Robert Oliver Reed
February 13 1937
May 2 1999
Abraham Stoker
(Bram Stoker)
November 8 1847
April 20 1912
Maila
Syrjäniemi
(Vampira)
December
21, 1921
January
10, 2008
Spencer Bonaventure Tracy
April 5 1900
June 10 1967
Robert Earl Wise
September 10 1914
September 14 2005 |
I said to Life,
I would hear Death speak.
And Life raised her voice
a little higher and said,
You hear him now.
- Kahlil Gibran
Is death the last sleep?
No--it is the last
and final awakening.
- Sir Walter Scott
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Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.
- Isaac Asimov
Life is eternal and love is immortal;
And death is only a horizon,
And a horizon is nothing
save the limit of our sight.
- Rossiter W. Raymond
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Fear not death,
for the sooner we die
the longer we shall be immortal.
- Benjamin Franklin
If you were going to die soon
and had only one phone call to make,
who would you call
and what would you say?
And why are you waiting?
- Stephen Levine Poet, Author
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